A complaint about ageing (again)

I'm finally home and enjoying it. My new bed is awesome and my room looks bigger and nicer because of it. I don't want to leave it ever again! ♥ 

Coming home means to me, beside doing nothing all day long and then, on Sunday evening, complaining I'm way behind with my projects, bumping into all sorts of old stuff. Well, on today's list, old photos. I had to back up some files from my latest photosessions on a hard disk and while they were copying I surfed a bit the old files to dust them. And so I got into my highschool folder, full of parties, school and sport events, trips, holidays & co. I haven't seen this pictures for over 2 or 3 years and I even forgot of some of those events captured in a few megapixels. I was instantly drawn into those memories, like in a black hole, and I couldn't escape until I journeyed to each and every one of them. 

What stunned me was how young and full of life I was in those pictures. I had no signs of tiredness on my face, no bored expressions. I was photographing a lot (objects, landscapes, sometimes people and very often myself, trying unusual make-ups and clothes) with the compact camera I had back then, I was even drawing and writing at times. Looking at the images, I came to the conclusion I was more creative and hungry for new stuff then I am now (ironic, huh?). I also had a passion for watching movies just for the fun of it and I was never too tired to go to a party with my friends. Doing homework was more of an optional thing and it was obviously more fun to copy it before class. 

I look at myself now and have no idea where did the old me disappear?! I'm studying a domain that requires creativity but I often feel it left me when I more needed it. I'm always tired, even if I get to sleep 8 hrs a night and that's easily read on my face and my mood. Going out after a day at University? It's getting rarelier. I usually crash on my bed too tired to even change my clothes, I hug my laptop and watch some series. Movies for the fun of it? Rarely, maybe when I dare to move my lazy ass to the cinema. I feel too stressed by the upcoming deadlines and that I don't live up to expectations (I wonder whose expectations?) and the irony is I don't even work as much as I should, I'm more of a complainer. I feel I'm getting old, I hate that I usually look tired and my hair gained a mind of its own in the last years (and he seems to have a different approach to things than I do), I hate I don't feel as happy as I did. 

The sad thing is that I can't go back to that time. I have to manage a way to get back on track and feel as good as I felt then. The thing is I don't know HOW, at least yet. I know there are thousands of ways to make the things in your life work how they should, but I didn't find mine yet. I just hope to find it soon, I don't want to waste any more minutes of my youth. 

Until then, ...I miss highschool! 

True story!